he puts the penis in happiness.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
this boner is exhausting
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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