I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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