I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
