too bad you live with your parents still
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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