Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
