Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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