Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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