it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
