can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
