I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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