in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
