god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
