sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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