I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
