the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is classic penis vs brain.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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