Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
