I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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