??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize