Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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