just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize