I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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