I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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