im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
