my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
