Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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