I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Randomize
