I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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