I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
