Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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