you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
