Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
