You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
