I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
