I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
