I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
