that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
