All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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