So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
