Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize