i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
