don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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