I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
