i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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