I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
