Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize