my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
