wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
