I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
