I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
