She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
