Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
