You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
