question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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