i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
