For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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