I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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