My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
