my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
