i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
