I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
