Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
