im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
