Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
