I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she looked like the before picture.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
