i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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