How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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