Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my shit smells like andre
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
