I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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