Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
