That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
