Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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