I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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