Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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