i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
