Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
