haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
